theknittyvritti

It's important to call things as they are. Much as we hate to acknowledge this, sometimes what we have is a near miss.

The near-misses that I think are the most important are the near-misses in love. I mean those "I wish this could work, but I know it won't" situations that are so tempting. To avoid loneliness, you might want to make do. Skipping over the fact that a wrong match is likely to be lonely. In the years that I call "eight years in the desert" (between husbands), I had a few of those. Between me and my near-miss counterparts, we managed to do the right thing and call the relationships what they were. In spite of all the pressures to do otherwise...the lure of companionship, the friends, even shrink, who not-so-secretly thought I was just too picky.

Operations Man and I are both relieved. Actually, Operations Man may be even more relieved that since I plan to frog the sweater, the photo shoot was belessedly short.

As I will be when I frog my almost perfect Akoya. The pattern is lovely, well-written and clever. The yarn is beautiful. I am holding up quite well for my years. But together, we just miss.

I can do better by this yarn. Its soft, drapy splendor deserves its perfect match, and I have already begun to search. Kind of like internet dating....

(I'm still counting this as IntSweMoDo #3......the rules don't say that you have to marry them).

blush

 

Self-consciousness is the bane of human existence.

Our capacity to blush is evidence of this. An unfortunate few are cursed with an uncontrollable blush reflex, such that any time they do or say, or even think, anything even slightly embarassing, they turn bright red, registering their discomfort visibly on the world.

 I'm not cursed with this affliction. But I am still prone to excessive self-awareness and self-castigation. I've spent days re-playing moments that I wish had never happened. Internally, invisibly, uncomfortably. If I were a blusher, I might be a much brighter shade of pink most of the time.

I wish I were more like those people who find their own questionable behavior less worthy of attention. Accept that life is full of awkward moments and worse, and make them just not so interesting. I do get better, and someday I may just live fully in the moment, accepting whatever less than gracious acts I commit. Because they will continue to happen, whether I approve of myself or not.

You may be wondering why this topic is coming up at all. Well, I'm not going to share all of the reasons. But I am sharing, above, the yarn I unapologetically bought, breaking my six month ban on new yarns. It was supposed to last until Rhinebeck, but I have been longing to make Akoya since it was published. And in all my lots of sweater yarn, I didn't have anything for it. So I treated myself to this Blue Sky alpaca silk.

Colorway: Blush.